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"This
is so gay and I don’t even want to be here." These are a few of
many things not supposed to be said at a Church Retreat. It’s
even worse when they are accompanied by things like talking,
cutting up, and being loud during mass and just showing no
interest in the amazing thing that is taking place before you. I
was unfortunate enough to have this experience this past weekend
when a group of kids who had these offsetting qualities sat next
to us at a Youth Festival. It was an experience that taught me
that when you go somewhere, church related or not, it’s
important to make yourself accountable for how you conduct
yourself. A person has to take responsibility for their behavior
because not doing so is the cause of a lot of chaos that runs
like a domino effect to everyone around them, and it can ruin
something that is supposed to be a great experience.
The
sun went down and the temperature went down with it, the air was
icy as we all sat in the open field waiting for the procession
to begin. Tiny lights speckled the ground below the stage; all
3,000 of us now held small candles for the ceremony. I could see
my breath as I sang the opening song and my knees were numb from
kneeling on the tarp that was seeping water from the wet ground
below, but my mind was focusing on the monstrance, and kept my
mind off my surroundings… or so I tried in vain to keep it that
way.
"Ugh!
It’s freezing cold what the heck is that guy talking about?" I
heard a familiar voice say loudly to my left. The voice was only
familiar because it was one of the many that I had been hearing
all day, being loud and completely rude at the most inconvenient
times. They affected my entire group because they took up the
tarp right next to ours. There was 3,000 people at Abbey Fest
all sitting on tarps that quilted the large open field behind
St. Joseph’s Abbey, all facing the huge stages in front of us
that displayed the band and the alter. The place echoed with
singing and praise, music and prayer, and most unfortunately,
the sound of complaints and acting up of these jerks next to us.
‘You
have got to be kidding me…’ I thought exasperatedly to myself as
I watched this tall, dark haired boy burning the guy next to him
with his candle. This, of course, lead to the victim jumping up
causing a scene that stole the attention of everyone around
them. "SHHHHHH!" I heard my friends say, but the attempt was
futile because this lead to snappy comment back that made that
whole group erupt in snickers. I clenched my candle tight in my
hand; I didn’t know how to act. I felt angry because this is a
beautiful event that I had planned on ENJOYING, but at the same
time my heart ached. These poor kids didn’t know what they were
missing out on and instead were making it impossible for anyone
else to get the full effect of it. I tried to focus, looking up
ahead of me, then up at the clear dark blue sky swirling
overhead. ‘ God, please… Forgive them… They don’t know what they
are doing… Let them feel your love, let them know that your love
is greater than life and that You are worth more than they give
you credit for…’ I prayed silently to myself. "Oh my freaking
God I can’t wait for this to be over."… My heart was racing now.
I felt it beating rapidly in my ears and the next thing I knew I
felt myself stand and walk over to them. They all stared at me;
I looked every one of them in the eyes, feeling my own beginning
to water. I took a deep breath as I tapped the dark haired boy
and asked him if I could talk to him. ‘God give me strength and
the words to say…’
His
eyes widened as he tried to act like he knew I was about to
waste his time. He stood and lumbered his way behind me as I
tiptoed quietly to the edge of the tarps to get away from
everyone. "Look, I’m sorry this means absolutely nothing to you,
but it does to everyone else next to you and you and your
friends are being really distracting and loud… If you want you
can look at it like this, it’s almost over, so please can you
just be quiet?", my voice trembled. He opened his mouth, but
before I let him say the mean things I saw in his eyes, I said
"I know you don’t know me, but that hasn’t stopped you from
making this experience unpleasant… You don’t have to act like
this, if you tried you would really see what you’re missing out
on. Open up to Him instead of cutting up with THEM."
He
stared at me and laughed at my face… it was about equal to being
punched in the stomach… " This is pointless and the biggest
waste of my time---" he snapped. I felt my eyes start to pool
over as I looked past him at the eyes of my friends watching me.
They saw him laughing and each one of their eyes screamed at the
back of this guy’s head and I knew I had to end it. I looked him
in the eyes and stepped close to him saying quietly "I’m sorry
to hear that, but it’s how we’re spending our time."
I
stepped past him and took my kneeling position. My candle had
dripped wax on my hand and I hadn’t realized it. My friends all
smiled sadly at me; my youth minister squeezed my shoulder as
the boy walked past my group.
They
really didn’t act out of turn after that, but they still didn’t
take the hint as I’m assuming he retold the conversation we had
to his friends because they all began to laugh. Somehow the
whole field regained the peace and serenity it had been deprived
of, and I like to think that I helped with that. I closed my
eyes and a chill ran through me as the wind blew softly to the
hum of the guitar being played as the ceremony came to a close.
I felt better knowing that that group of deviants acted a little
better in the end, but it stung to be laughed at like that. I
knew that it was my responsibility to stick up for my faith when
it’s being attacked, and it was going to be hard to do it when
people aren’t receptive to the love of Jesus, but the feeling it
gave me made it worth every second. |
